So, have you ever really thought about the word "resolution"? This word brings numerous meanings to my mind.....such as: clarity- like when you adjust something to see clearer, or a commitment you may make- like at New Year's eve, you know? Now if you cover up the "re" what do you get? Hmmm...you get the word solution, don't you? Hence, this leads me to my next discussion, as the 2011 approaches and I reflect on my school year, career and life in general up to this point in time.
I have been making an effort to make more time for myself. This weekend, after dealing with a bout of extreme exhaustion and some kind of viral thing going on, which I have finally bid good riddance to, I managed to avoid the lesson planning and "stuff" on the dining room table for awhile and get out of the house. I bought some curtains and it felt good to put them up in my bedroom, by the patio door back there, which I designed for my high maintenance pooches, with a custom made doggie door and the works. Since the cold manages to seep in, I now have a solution, since I rigged it so it looks stylish and they can still get in and out. The thermal curtains keep the room nice and warm. I did the same for my laundry room and the house is toasty and cozy. Then I took some time to go downtown and enjoy a parade followed by Thai food with some friends. Today, I took time to go to church and thank the Lord for my health, my curtains, my dogs and the Thai food. Normally, I'd be going into my classroom on a Sunday to play "catch up".
In the midst of doing these little things for myself this weekend, I began to realize that my job is a lot like that doggie door, custom made for the pooches but bad for me because the room kept getting cold. My job is tailored to meet the needs of each and every child, despite the toll it may take on me and the life and energy it sucks out of me. I know....you're probably thinking I should have come to this resolution long ago, instead it took a trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond to enlighten me...(they don't call it "beyond" for nothing.....LOL). So, what did I take away from this?
I realized that no matter how hard I work, no matter how many weekends I go into my classroom, no matter how much I bring home and clutter up the dining room table - it won't ever be enough. It won't ever be enough because my profession is so underestimated and undervalued by society. Budgets keep getting cut, teaching positions keep becoming more detailed with less pay, and the monotonous meetings and inservice trainings consist of the same old song....do more, do more, do more. I, in turn, force myself to work harder, put in more hours, sacrifice more of my time, in hopes of finding a solution to each and every kid's problems, needs, strengths, weaknesses, and make up for the lack of parental involvement, which really is the root of many of the issues when we get down to the heart of the matter. After all, a child is not like a dog. You can't give it away once you've acquired it, but you can rely on the teacher to make up for all the times you claim you can't read to your child, or sit down and do homework with them, or perhaps discipline them a bit so they don't grow up thinking they can go through life making excuses. So, I become the solution to the problems and in some cases, I am blamed for the problems!
Now, you look at my life and think....what has this job done for me lately? What resolution has the school made to keep me happy? What resolution will the politicians and government come to next, to retain me and meet my needs, as an educator and furthermore, a human being? As I try and answer this question with a quality response, I suddenly realize that the resolution isn't ever going to come from a second party. The resolution has to come from within me. I resolve to give as much as I can during the work week to all my students. I resolve to remind myself that during this process, there's a person inside of me that needs to be nurtured and taught how to say no sometimes. I resolve to stay the hell away from work on the weekends. I resolve to put limits on the time I put into my work and realize that unfortunately, I won't be able to solve the lack of parenting. I have started making my list of resolutions now, even though 2011 is still a few weeks away. I'm sticking to my guns and I'm determined to make it through the school year with some sense of sanity still left in me and hopefully some energy to meet a nice gentleman to settle down with. This may mean a divorce from work for a bit. This may mean having a talk with a counselor at the University about furthering my education and getting out of the classroom for awhile. I resolve to take time for me so I can figure out what I'm meant to do, or not do. Happy Holidays!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Opening The Box - what's really in there?
So, I named this post "opening the box" for many reasons. You may think of a variety of things when you hear the word "box". Is it a gift? Perhaps its a special delivery of some kind of mail order you've been anticipating. Well....the answer is...yes, its a gift. Its a special delivery alright....just what kind of box are we talking about here? No, the postman didn't deliver this one. I'm referring to the box called the brain. Whose brain, you ask?
For starters, mine. For years now, I'd open a box every month at the public elementary school I taught at. I'd pull out all my cute little thematic activities, lessons, ideas and examples of things I've taught over the years and do what every good teacher does- plan and prepare. After all, that is a big part of my job, right? So, how is that different now that I'm teaching a multi-age class at an alternative school? To put it in a nutshell, its as if I've arrived in a foreign country, stepped off the airplane and discovered that my neatly packed and organized box (lets call it my luggage or baggage...ha, ha, no pun intended) just got lost. It fell overboard and I will have to replace most of it with the new items I find in this foreign environment. "Damn", I say to myself....those articles that I was so comfortable in, that I knew so well...now what will I do?" To make matters worse, the new environment (in my case, the workplace) is impoverished and lacks many of the resources I was once accustomed to....shit...and the next plane back doesn't leave for another six months, since I really am on a leave of absence for this assignment. I guess I'm here to stay.
So, if you never understood the phrase "thinking outside of the box", I really hope my previous analogy gave you a bit of an image. I have had to not only change the way I think, plan and teach but condition myself to be a problem solver in so many ways. Each and every one of my students is unique and different and my curriculum is so unlike my previous one. Despite the obvious flaws in this new system, (some so obvious they resemble patches on a scarecrow's overalls - but that will be for a later post), the meat and potatoes that fill my plate on a daily basis at work are the students. Yes, my plate gets very full at times. It gets soooo full.....I have to take bigger bites than what I'm used to in order to prevent the plate from overflowing (leading to indigestion, heartburn, bloating....and yes, the occasional consumption of a bottle of wine or two at the end of the week to unwind....LOL). BUT.......what am I learning? Is this experience a failure or a success? Hmmm....
From every failure comes a success. That is number one. But, who says I've failed? My students just completed the most amazing projects, which they all presented in class. If you can believe this - I had a 1st grader who gave a power point presentation on lightning storms, followed by a structure he build that is battery operated and lights up to resemble the lightning bolts. I had a kindergartener who made a DVD of himself as a meteorologist describing droughts. Oh, the projects these 5 and 6 year olds showed me! I thought I was back in a college lab class, no kidding. I celebrated today. Why? We had the last three presentations. I saw a complete transformation of the students I met back in August. Today I realized, these are very gifted students and no wonder I feel so exhausted all the time! I also realized something else. Know what it was? My box, you know the one I relied on so much? I don't really need it as much because these students are all so different and full of abilities, unfortunately some also have disabilities. I mold the curriculum to meet them halfway, wherever halfway might be. What do I get in return? (smile....) Today, one of my toughest 1st grade boys who is constantly in trouble said.."Ms. Angela, you have really cool ideas!" And yes, this made my day. So, tomorrow I get to go do the rest of my parent/teacher/student led conferences. And...I'm not as worried about the stupid box. You know why? The evidence lies all over my classroom, in the form of posters, dioramas, kid-made books and various models of everything we have researched. And..guess what? None of it came out of the box, now did it? I guess I am finally thinking outside the box!
For starters, mine. For years now, I'd open a box every month at the public elementary school I taught at. I'd pull out all my cute little thematic activities, lessons, ideas and examples of things I've taught over the years and do what every good teacher does- plan and prepare. After all, that is a big part of my job, right? So, how is that different now that I'm teaching a multi-age class at an alternative school? To put it in a nutshell, its as if I've arrived in a foreign country, stepped off the airplane and discovered that my neatly packed and organized box (lets call it my luggage or baggage...ha, ha, no pun intended) just got lost. It fell overboard and I will have to replace most of it with the new items I find in this foreign environment. "Damn", I say to myself....those articles that I was so comfortable in, that I knew so well...now what will I do?" To make matters worse, the new environment (in my case, the workplace) is impoverished and lacks many of the resources I was once accustomed to....shit...and the next plane back doesn't leave for another six months, since I really am on a leave of absence for this assignment. I guess I'm here to stay.
So, if you never understood the phrase "thinking outside of the box", I really hope my previous analogy gave you a bit of an image. I have had to not only change the way I think, plan and teach but condition myself to be a problem solver in so many ways. Each and every one of my students is unique and different and my curriculum is so unlike my previous one. Despite the obvious flaws in this new system, (some so obvious they resemble patches on a scarecrow's overalls - but that will be for a later post), the meat and potatoes that fill my plate on a daily basis at work are the students. Yes, my plate gets very full at times. It gets soooo full.....I have to take bigger bites than what I'm used to in order to prevent the plate from overflowing (leading to indigestion, heartburn, bloating....and yes, the occasional consumption of a bottle of wine or two at the end of the week to unwind....LOL). BUT.......what am I learning? Is this experience a failure or a success? Hmmm....
From every failure comes a success. That is number one. But, who says I've failed? My students just completed the most amazing projects, which they all presented in class. If you can believe this - I had a 1st grader who gave a power point presentation on lightning storms, followed by a structure he build that is battery operated and lights up to resemble the lightning bolts. I had a kindergartener who made a DVD of himself as a meteorologist describing droughts. Oh, the projects these 5 and 6 year olds showed me! I thought I was back in a college lab class, no kidding. I celebrated today. Why? We had the last three presentations. I saw a complete transformation of the students I met back in August. Today I realized, these are very gifted students and no wonder I feel so exhausted all the time! I also realized something else. Know what it was? My box, you know the one I relied on so much? I don't really need it as much because these students are all so different and full of abilities, unfortunately some also have disabilities. I mold the curriculum to meet them halfway, wherever halfway might be. What do I get in return? (smile....) Today, one of my toughest 1st grade boys who is constantly in trouble said.."Ms. Angela, you have really cool ideas!" And yes, this made my day. So, tomorrow I get to go do the rest of my parent/teacher/student led conferences. And...I'm not as worried about the stupid box. You know why? The evidence lies all over my classroom, in the form of posters, dioramas, kid-made books and various models of everything we have researched. And..guess what? None of it came out of the box, now did it? I guess I am finally thinking outside the box!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Is it June yet?
So, here we are on day 38 (give or take...we lost track at one point) of my school year. I got a wild hair last March, while sipping tea on a Sunday morning and browsing the Classified ads in the ABQ journal, to apply for a teaching position at a Charter School. While I loved teaching kindergarten at my last school, which almost felt like a resort to me, particularly when the lunch ladies gave me some freebies here and there, and I actually had a view of the mountains from my huge picture windows, I couldn't help but be drawn to this opening for a multi age K/1 position. With all the budget cuts and constant negativity I kept hearing last year, the advertisement appealed to me even more when it said "4 day work week". "Wow", I thought. "This could be good."
Things seemed great, after all, at this school there are no bells ringing. Teachers do not have to do bus duty, since there are no busses. As for the lunch ladies, well, there aren't any because there really is no cafeteria. Nor is there a library. Hmmmm....just what kind of school is this? Well, I guess this is the meaning of "alternative education". I am learning a lot as the year goes on. Its sort of like driver's ed - you know, when you think you got the hang of it and you're driving along, then suddenly you either press the gas too hard and startle the instructor, or nearly hit the parked cars and wipe your brow and go, "that was a close one". To put it in a nutshell, Ms. F, as I knew her, is having to learn how to drive all over again, meaning....I thought I was a good teacher. No, I still think I am a good teacher but the way I'm teaching is so different than how I taught in a traditional public school. I thought I had lots of stamina. I've made it through 3 sprint triathlons. A sprint triathlon would probably be the equivalent of my entire am with my 23 students. The pm would be more like a spin class, out of control at about 180 RPM's or more (those of you who spin can appreciate this!) In other words, my heart rate is off the charts at this point in the day!
So, today I am starting my blog, in an effort to maintain what little sanity I have left at the end of a work day. Also, I am prying myself away from the mountains of papers and lesson plans on my dining room table that I need to go tackle. Hopefully, if I have some energy left after that, maybe I'll find respite at the pool, where I can swim about a mile while my mind races to keep up with the to-do list on the dining room table (which will still be sitting there when I get back!) and if I play my cards right, perhaps I'll only need to go to my classroom this weekend for 4 hours, instead of 6, to play catch up.
Is it June yet?
Things seemed great, after all, at this school there are no bells ringing. Teachers do not have to do bus duty, since there are no busses. As for the lunch ladies, well, there aren't any because there really is no cafeteria. Nor is there a library. Hmmmm....just what kind of school is this? Well, I guess this is the meaning of "alternative education". I am learning a lot as the year goes on. Its sort of like driver's ed - you know, when you think you got the hang of it and you're driving along, then suddenly you either press the gas too hard and startle the instructor, or nearly hit the parked cars and wipe your brow and go, "that was a close one". To put it in a nutshell, Ms. F, as I knew her, is having to learn how to drive all over again, meaning....I thought I was a good teacher. No, I still think I am a good teacher but the way I'm teaching is so different than how I taught in a traditional public school. I thought I had lots of stamina. I've made it through 3 sprint triathlons. A sprint triathlon would probably be the equivalent of my entire am with my 23 students. The pm would be more like a spin class, out of control at about 180 RPM's or more (those of you who spin can appreciate this!) In other words, my heart rate is off the charts at this point in the day!
So, today I am starting my blog, in an effort to maintain what little sanity I have left at the end of a work day. Also, I am prying myself away from the mountains of papers and lesson plans on my dining room table that I need to go tackle. Hopefully, if I have some energy left after that, maybe I'll find respite at the pool, where I can swim about a mile while my mind races to keep up with the to-do list on the dining room table (which will still be sitting there when I get back!) and if I play my cards right, perhaps I'll only need to go to my classroom this weekend for 4 hours, instead of 6, to play catch up.
Is it June yet?
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