A resolution beyond the New Year

So, have you ever really thought about the word "resolution"?  This word brings numerous meanings to my mind.....such as: clarity- like when you adjust something to see clearer, or a commitment you may make- like at New Year's eve, you know?  Now if you cover up the "re" what do you get?  Hmmm...you get the word solution, don't you?  Hence, this leads me to my next discussion, as the 2011 approaches and I reflect on my school year, career and life in general up to this point in time.

I have been making an effort to make more time for myself.  This weekend, after dealing with a bout of extreme exhaustion and some kind of viral thing going on, which I have finally bid good riddance to, I managed to avoid the lesson planning and "stuff" on the dining room table for awhile and get out of the house.  I bought some curtains and it felt good to put them up in my bedroom, by the patio door back there, which I designed for my high maintenance pooches, with a custom made doggie door and the works.  Since the cold manages to seep in, I now have a solution, since I rigged it so it looks stylish and they can still get in and out.  The thermal curtains keep the room nice and warm.  I did the same for my laundry room and the house is toasty and cozy.  Then I took some time to go downtown and enjoy a parade followed by Thai food with some friends.  Today, I took time to go to church and thank the Lord for my health, my curtains, my dogs and the Thai food.  Normally, I'd be going into my classroom on a Sunday to play "catch up".

In the midst of doing these little things for myself this weekend, I began to realize that my job is a lot like that doggie door, custom made for the pooches but bad for me because the room kept getting cold.  My job is tailored to meet the needs of each and every child, despite the toll it may take on me and the life and energy it sucks out of me.  I know....you're probably thinking I should have come to this resolution long ago, instead it took a trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond to enlighten me...(they don't call it "beyond" for nothing.....LOL).  So, what did I take away from this?

I realized that no matter how hard I work, no matter how many weekends I go into my classroom, no matter how much I bring home and clutter up the dining room table - it won't ever be enough.  It won't ever be enough because my profession is so underestimated and undervalued by society.  Budgets keep getting cut, teaching positions keep becoming more detailed with less pay, and the monotonous meetings and inservice trainings consist of the same old song....do more, do more, do more.  I, in turn, force myself to work harder, put in more hours, sacrifice more of my time, in hopes of finding a solution to each and every kid's problems, needs, strengths, weaknesses, and make up for the lack of parental involvement, which really is the root of many of the issues when we get down to the heart of the matter.  After all, a child is not like a dog.  You can't give it away once you've acquired it, but you can rely on the teacher to make up for all the times you claim you can't read to your child, or sit down and do homework with them, or perhaps discipline them a bit so they don't grow up thinking they can go through life making excuses.  So, I become the solution to the problems and in some cases, I am blamed for the problems!

Now, you look at my life and think....what has this job done for me lately?  What resolution has the school made to keep me happy?  What resolution will the politicians and government come to next, to retain me and meet my needs, as an educator and furthermore, a human being?  As I try and answer this question with a quality response, I suddenly realize that the resolution isn't ever going to come from a second party.  The resolution has to come from within me.  I resolve to give as much as I can during the work week to all my students.  I resolve to remind myself that during this process, there's a person inside of me that needs to be nurtured and taught how to say no sometimes.  I resolve to stay the hell away from work on the weekends.  I resolve to put limits on the time I put into my work and realize that unfortunately, I won't be able to solve the lack of parenting.  I have started making my list of resolutions now, even though 2011 is still a few weeks away.  I'm sticking to my guns and I'm determined to make it through the school year with some sense of sanity still left in me and hopefully some energy to meet a nice gentleman to settle down with.  This may mean a divorce from work for a bit.  This may mean having a talk with a counselor at the University about furthering my education and getting out of the classroom for awhile.  I resolve to take time for me so I can figure out what I'm meant to do, or not do.  Happy Holidays!