The last Chapter of the school season...finally here for your reading pleasure.

Well, I couldn't very well keep you all in suspense about my decision regarding teaching next year, now could I?  If you just joined my blog today, here's a little update about Ms. F's current status:  so, several therapy sessions later as I'm being treated for PTSD due to 12 years of being a school teacher...and making it a whole year through teaching at a Charter school (chuckle....that and dealing with my big fat Greek family for the last 40 years), I have managed to make heads and tails of a lot of my emotions, particularly matters of the heart when it comes to my career.  In the back of my mind, I still have this crazy idea I might actually write a book someday about my funny experiences in life.  Hey, why not?  I might actually get a real paycheck someday....LOL...but let's move on to the final chapter, and of course, the final decision, shall we?

So, I decided to go back to my old school next year and indulge in the luxury of having an actual kindergarten classroom back, one with full amenities such as a kitchen, bathroom, tile & carpet (ah, the things we take for granted sometimes), some actual furniture in the room other than the Goodwill shelves I've now acquired in my garage that became my best friends this past year.  Bottom line:  I learned a lot by working at a Charter school.  I am by far, a much better, more aware, more effective, more resourceful teacher.  I have learned to be a problem solver.  I have learned to trust in the children and their interests, strengths and ideas.  I have let go of a lot of the "control" I once thought was necessary to be a good teacher.  I have really taken "differentiating curriculum" to a whole new level and it will be rather interesting to go back to a traditional kindergarten class next year and apply all of this.  Hell, I'm just excited to be able to have a teacher's lounge to go eat lunch in every day!

I couldn't help but feel guilty when this decision became official for me about a month and half ago.  Of course, my student's parents know and they are panicked about who will fill my shoes next year when I'm sipping my coffee back in my old kindergarten classroom as I wait for the morning bell to ring.  You know, I miss bells.  I miss school buses.  I miss center time.  I miss cooking activities.  I miss having cupcakes on birthdays.  Teaching at the Charter school this past year opened my eyes a lot.  I think I can still teach as if I'm teaching gifted children like the ones I had the pleasure of serving this year, after all, they are all gifted in so many ways if you really think about it.  But I will never let go of my Early Childhood beliefs and now I've mastered how to be able to challenge these young ones while still keeping it developmentally appropriate.  That is quite a task, let me tell you!  I have so much testing to still do over the next few weeks - honestly there's no time left to teach, but yesterday, as I felt swallowed whole with deadlines and tasks, by God, I brought popsicles to school and we had a little party.  It was a celebration of love and relief at the same time.  My job is not an easy one.  But in the long run, someone's got to to do it, right?  Have a great summer everyone!  Stay tuned for my next blog in August.....as we start the 2011/2012 school year.

Delicate matters of the heart in the heart of February

Well, its almost Valentine's day and what do we all do this time of year?  We think about who or what are most dear to us.  We take a moment to appreciate those people or pets in my case.....nonetheless this time of year makes me stop and really take a minute to think of what is important to me.  On that note, I need to make a decision in the next week as to whether or not I want to stay at my current job or go back to my old job.  I need to put my paperwork in before March 1st.  Well, I have made a decision and I hope its the right one.  These are very delicate matters of the heart as they do affect us.  My biggest question: Is my heart in this?  The answer is, yes, a bit too much.  I have important things going on in my life right now outside of work, yet why is it work always takes priority, no matter how much I tell myself not to let it consume me?  I hate feeling anxiety and stress on a daily basis.  I hate supervisors who micro-manage.  Most of all, I hate when I feel like I'm not doing enough.  I have parents telling me on a daily basis what a good job I'm doing and how happy they are with their child's progress.  Yet, I still feel this restless need to do more, perform better, impress....okay, impress who?  I'm obviously not impressed with any of this at this moment, so I think I need to turn the matters of my heart over to more important things in my life right now and basically just flip a coin and make a decision over the next week.  On that note, I'm going to go treat myself to a dark chocolate Dove candy and try to turn my brain off for a while.

Hit me with your best shot, fire away!

I couldn't think of what to name this blog, so one of my favorite Pat Benatar songs came to mind, particularly since its a motivating song to me when I work out at the gym.  I listen to it on my i-pod frequently and I love the part where she says..."knock me down, its all in vain, I get right back on my feet again"!  So, I thought I was finally on my feet again at work.  We've been back since Monday, though if you know a thing or two about my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and love/hate relationship with this job, you know that I've already spend a good 4 days at work, even before we were due back on Monday.  I know...I broke the resolutions I had set for myself.  BUT....the time I put in was well spent and I felt good about going back.  I spoke too soon..uh, oh, now what?

I was so happy this week.  My students were making so much progress with their spelling words, reading levels and just overall enthusiasm for being back at school.  We were setting goals and working on portfolios and even my toughest of kiddos were happy to be back.  Not to mention I have some pretty amazing writers in my class.  I wonder where they get that?  Hmmm... could it be from the teacher who loves writing and models it every day?  Anyway, its like they just came to school ready to work hard because it was a new year.  (Also probably because the boredom of excess  tv watching over the vacation finally probably got to some of them and their brain needed some human stimulation for a change).  So, here I am reflecting on all their progress and evaluating how far I've come since the beginning of the year, with it being a new job and all.  Low and behold, my own evaluation came up today.  I put my emotional shield of armor on and braced myself for what I knew would sound something like...."well, you're an excellent teacher and the parents are very supportive of you...but...".  There is always a "but" at this school.  All my previous PDP plans (which stands for professional development plan) from the last 8 years, which are all in my own portfolio, state that I meet all the competencies and my classroom is a great environment, etc.  I felt like saying, "well, but....kindly kiss my butt",  but I remained positive, diplomatic, and open minded during the evaluation.  As you all know, I'm a very persuasive, not to mention thorough person, particularly when I know how hard I work and I can tell you each and every student's levels, strengths and weaknesses.

I chuckle to myself now, because at the end of the evaluation, I had managed to convince my supervisor to see things my way by falling back on one of my Greek tactics I so often use with my family.  I made her think the improvements I needed to make were her ideas!  My next plan of action for the follow up PDP was actually on my agenda all along, ....but she really liked it when I said, "what if....and could you come to the meeting...and oh, that is a good idea"!  Yes, I'm learning the art of reverse psychology with supervisors who have obviously forgotten what its like to be in a classroom.  Perhaps we should all just agree and accept that this is a learning process, even for a supervisor.

Bottom line is this:  I'm ecstatic with the progress my students are making.  I'm feeling a lot more grounded than I was back in August.  Furthermore, I can't say the school really gave me any kind for formal training on its math or phonics program, yet it was expected of me to just jump in headfirst and do things perfectly.  I have had to just figure it out as I go.  So, with all due respect, you gotta look at that and say, "way to go, as you are flying this airplane with no training and haven't crashed yet but keeping it up in the air, while reading the manual with one hand and occasionally grabbing a bite to eat with the other, while keeping the plane steady somehow".  Best way I can think to describe it.  Well, on that note, I will be making a decision about whether I want to keep flying this plane or land it without crashing, get off and go back to a traditional school.  These will be the decisions I face over the next few months.  Godspeed, as I need to go back to flying now.  Till next time.